I'm lazy. I'll just come out and say that right now. I am lazy as fuck. Seriously. Like, to the extent where I exert more effort to BE lazy than it would take to avoid laziness. I actually exercise cause it's easier to do things without being fat for crying out loud!
Why do I bring this up, you ask? Well, that's hardly any of your business, but I'll tell you anyways, and since I'm feeling generous, it'll only cost you one testicle.
Here's a knife. Knock yourself out, Chachi.
I'll wait.
You done?
Good.
So, I bring this up because the NDA for Champions Online dropped about two weeks ago, but I was too goddamn lazy/busy playing the open beta to read any reviews.
Before I say anything else, I enjoyed the game. A lot. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE Muh-mor-puh-gahs, but the superhero hook was enough to get me playing. The combat system was more intuitive than just "click on an enemy once, then either it or you dies," and actually encourages combo use, the character creation system is ridiculously robust (I spent an hour and a half designing my character. Yeah. I could have taken longer, but I wanted to actualy PLAY.), and the level design is fun and just the right mix of corny and awesome to evoke the feeling of a golden age comic.
I created my character, Berzerker (based off of the ulfsarks of norweigan fame), and gave him the ability to claw peoples eyes out. (Okay, not REALLY, but that's what I IMAGINED him doing, anyways.) Power selection is just one of the sections where Champions really shines over it's predecessors CoH/CoV. Just like those two games, you can pick a preset power pool, but the real fun, unless you want to play a generic, boring, single-focus hero like a loser, comes in the new option-create your own power pool. You pick an attack that boosts your energy pool, and a more powerful attack that drains it. I went with a basic physical raking attack and an attack with claws. Then, after filling in his name and backstory (his parents were killed by a writer's convenience and he decided to be a superhero.), I started the tutorial.
And the fun began. I ran about, chucking cars at aliens (yeah, most things in the environment can be picked up by a suitably strong hero) and saving civilians, before I was asked to help with a situation at the headquaters of the prominant superhero team of Millenium City (a lampshaded stand-in for Detroit).
Head-cracking ensued, and after crushing a big bad in what looked suspiciously like the powerloader from Aliens, I emerged from the tower of sheer awesomeness to see a whole detachment of soldiers and superheros praising me.
Me. Just me. For taking on the baddy. No idiots running around yelling "0MGZ I WUNZERD."
I actually felt a definite sense of accomplishment. The game uses different instances of areas so that once you've destroyed an alien spaceship or whatever, it's not hanging in the sky. Once you've stopped the malignant force animating a horde of Canadian zombies, they aren't still attacking (Maybe that has more to do with the Canadian part than the zombie part, but still.)
In short, I accidentally felt like a hero. And later, when I killed the big bad in the Canadian wilderness, and again in the New Mexican desert, I felt like a hero again. That was something else Champions did far more effectively than all but a few of the many games I've played.
Travel powers, as well. In CoH/CoV, you only received the effectual ones at level fifteen. In champions, you can super run, super jump, fly, teleport, websling, whatever as soon as you finish the tutorial. And it is AWESOME.
Then I got online to see what other people had to say, and everyone, EVERYONE, was whinging about graphics issues, or that the patcher wasn't working right, or that, and this was my favorite complaint: "It's too easy to level up!"
Well, excuuuuuse me. If you want a mindless grindfest to get experience, allow me to direct you to WoW. Champions is NOT a serious muh-mor-puh-guh, and I can't believe I used those two words in the same sentence. It's for comic book geeks, like myself, who just want to have a little fun with superpowers.
I haven't even GOTTEN into the awesomeness of the fact that you can create your own nemesis at level 25, design their powers and minions, eventually subdue them, throw them into prison, then start the whole process from scratch.
The fun really starts when earlier Nemeses (Nemesi? Nemesis'?) break out of prison and come after you, eventually earning you a rogues gallery that would make the Dark Knight proud.
In short, the best thing I can say about Champions Online is that I'm willing to fork over money for it, which for a mmo is essentially the same as saying I would give it incredibly hot oral sex, but don't want to get a veneral disease, so I'm not going to, just in case I wind up riding down a slippery slope and bedding elderly gentlemen for cash to spend on World of Warcrack.
It looks like a subscription service is in the cards at the moment, which is sad, but I still think it's worth it.
You can mercy kill me now.
Edit: They reopened Open Beta! Cryptic, I vow that, whoever is responsible for this, I will give them head. Fuck. Yes.
Later, losers.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Brb, Drooling.
So, to create my first review ever, I decided to talk about music, something easier said than done when your iTunes consists mainly of Finnish metal, Jpop, obscure anime OPs, and video game and off-Broadway musical soundtracks. I was left with very little. Evanescence is out, since they have obviously been too busy firing guitarists and swimming in their tower filled with money to produce anything new since 2006. I figured talking about Panic! would be a bit tacky in light of their recent breakup, and MCR has far to many psycho fans. I like my pets, thank you.
So, that left Nightwish, and an inevitable debate about whether Tarja or Annette is a better vocalist, or Fall Out Boy. I stand by my decision.
So, as it turns out, I'll be discussing Fall Out Boy's latest tour de force, Folie a Deux. (see what I did thar?)
Now, Folie a Deux is a french term meaning "madness shared by two." Now, of course, the title could obviously be referring to the madness that is love. You know, that crazy mixture of pheremones that makes you stutter like an idiot while someone moves in, cleans the coffee pot you finally had just the way you wanted it, gets pissed, yells about you not listening or something, then leaves with half your stuff and all of your heart...where was I?
Anyways, some of the album's songs do point to this as the true meaning of the title, but then we have option number two-Folie a Duex as a title is political commentary, something I buy a little bit more into, as Pete Wentz has an admirable dedication to spreading information about noble causes, and also to telling the mindless sheep of the world to think for themselves.
Fortunately, as the commentary songs make up the majority of the tracklist on this album, they are overall mostly catchy and poppy, and don't get bogged down under the weight of their own importance. Phew.
Then, of course, there's option three. This is an emo album. "THE TITLE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE," you say, screaming as I lower your significant other into a vat of acid "You can't POSSIBLY expect me to try to explain it, can you?"
To which I respond "No, Mr. Reader. I expect you to die."
But I digress.
Musically speaking, Folie a Deux is strong. Patrick's score complements Pete's lyrics quite nicely, possibly because he continues to perform as the lead singer. His range has improved IMMENSELY since Infinity, and by now, I'm surprised that his voice can't impregnate women at fifty paces.
That's how sexy it is.
There's not a lot to complain about instrumentation-wise. Joe pulls his weight on guitar, and Andy is wonderful as usual on drums. Again, the music is catchy, but about as different from Infinity as Infinity was from Cork Tree.
Track-by-track, Folie a Deux suffers and triumphs simultaneously, so here goes...
-Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes:
I enjoyed this song. It's very reminiscent of "Baba O'Reily" by The Who, which I'll guess is intentional, as some sampling of said song is used. The lyrics are pretty random, but they end up adding to the song's charm rather than detracting from it.
-I Don't Care
I was depressed by this song. The first time I heard it was with the music video, and I loved it. Then I bought the album, listened to track 2, and realized two things. First: Crossdressing nuns make ANYTHING awesome, and apart from a hilarious video involving mime-baiting, flashing, and cross-dressed shoplifting, I Really Don't Care. The song is really confusing, though, because musically, it's all there. But it definitely falls apart in the execution, and ends up repetitive and flat.
-She's My Winona
Pete Wentz's song for his wife, Ashlee, and his son, Bronx, turns out to be heartwarming. The lyrics are meaningful, the instrumentation is tight, and the whole song pulls together in exactly the way I Don't Care doesn't.
-America's Suitehearts
This song actually makes it into my top five favorite FOB songs. I have absolutely no gripes about America's Suitehearts.
None.
The social message about fame feels nicely snarky, coming from a famous band. Musically, the
song is interesting enough for me to seek out a karaoke version, something I haven't done with FOB since The Takes Over, the Break's Over.
Then, there's the video, which features the best costume design of anything.
Ever.
In all of history. ----------------------------------------->
So, that left Nightwish, and an inevitable debate about whether Tarja or Annette is a better vocalist, or Fall Out Boy. I stand by my decision.
So, as it turns out, I'll be discussing Fall Out Boy's latest tour de force, Folie a Deux. (see what I did thar?)
Now, Folie a Deux is a french term meaning "madness shared by two." Now, of course, the title could obviously be referring to the madness that is love. You know, that crazy mixture of pheremones that makes you stutter like an idiot while someone moves in, cleans the coffee pot you finally had just the way you wanted it, gets pissed, yells about you not listening or something, then leaves with half your stuff and all of your heart...where was I?
Anyways, some of the album's songs do point to this as the true meaning of the title, but then we have option number two-Folie a Duex as a title is political commentary, something I buy a little bit more into, as Pete Wentz has an admirable dedication to spreading information about noble causes, and also to telling the mindless sheep of the world to think for themselves.
Fortunately, as the commentary songs make up the majority of the tracklist on this album, they are overall mostly catchy and poppy, and don't get bogged down under the weight of their own importance. Phew.
Then, of course, there's option three. This is an emo album. "THE TITLE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE," you say, screaming as I lower your significant other into a vat of acid "You can't POSSIBLY expect me to try to explain it, can you?"
To which I respond "No, Mr. Reader. I expect you to die."
But I digress.
Musically speaking, Folie a Deux is strong. Patrick's score complements Pete's lyrics quite nicely, possibly because he continues to perform as the lead singer. His range has improved IMMENSELY since Infinity, and by now, I'm surprised that his voice can't impregnate women at fifty paces.
That's how sexy it is.
There's not a lot to complain about instrumentation-wise. Joe pulls his weight on guitar, and Andy is wonderful as usual on drums. Again, the music is catchy, but about as different from Infinity as Infinity was from Cork Tree.
Track-by-track, Folie a Deux suffers and triumphs simultaneously, so here goes...
-Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes:
I enjoyed this song. It's very reminiscent of "Baba O'Reily" by The Who, which I'll guess is intentional, as some sampling of said song is used. The lyrics are pretty random, but they end up adding to the song's charm rather than detracting from it.
-I Don't Care
I was depressed by this song. The first time I heard it was with the music video, and I loved it. Then I bought the album, listened to track 2, and realized two things. First: Crossdressing nuns make ANYTHING awesome, and apart from a hilarious video involving mime-baiting, flashing, and cross-dressed shoplifting, I Really Don't Care. The song is really confusing, though, because musically, it's all there. But it definitely falls apart in the execution, and ends up repetitive and flat.
-She's My Winona
Pete Wentz's song for his wife, Ashlee, and his son, Bronx, turns out to be heartwarming. The lyrics are meaningful, the instrumentation is tight, and the whole song pulls together in exactly the way I Don't Care doesn't.
-America's Suitehearts
This song actually makes it into my top five favorite FOB songs. I have absolutely no gripes about America's Suitehearts.
None.
The social message about fame feels nicely snarky, coming from a famous band. Musically, the
song is interesting enough for me to seek out a karaoke version, something I haven't done with FOB since The Takes Over, the Break's Over.Then, there's the video, which features the best costume design of anything.
Ever.
In all of history. ----------------------------------------->
Great song.
-Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown...blah, blah, I don't care...
This is the other song on the album where the score unfortunately undermines the powerful lyrics. With a strange electronica/machine-synth sort of sound, and kind of annoying computerization of Patrick's voice, the song comes across as extremely weak, except for the chorus. During said chorus, (I will never end up like him/behind my back I already am/keep a calendar, this way you will always know) Tricky Stump shows that he doesn't need the over-computerization of the rest of the song. Fortunately, that section of the song is performed again during What a Catch, Donnie, which ISN'T twenty-five seconds of ball-ripping-off awesome in three minutes, thirty seconds of agonizing suckage.
-The (Shipped) Gold Standard
Unlike Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, Shipped's disjointed lyrics make it confusing. It's not a bad song, not by any means. I enjoyed it. The music really comes together and the lyrics, while more random than Smashmouth on crack, are really poingent, especiallyfor the place where I am right now, and are sung with incredible emotion.
-Coffee's for Closers
Sex jokes aside, ("Oh, oh, oh!") I like this song a lot. The lyrics are sufficiently deep, and all of the parts come together into a coherant whole. Not much more to say...
Ummm....
LOOK! *points*
-What a Catch, Donnie
I'm sorry, I'm gonna end this review here and go listen to this song again. And again. Come find me in about twenty years.
What a Catch, Donnie, is the aural equivalent of an orgasm. Don't question it, it IS. It took me about four listenings just to get past Patrick Stump's vocals (Which may be more my thing than Tricky's), which sound like he's doing intensely private things with the microphone.
With his voice.
Then, of course, you get into the emo-music-tard boner inducing cameos by Elvis Costello, Gabe Saporta, Travis McCoy, Brendon Urie, Doug Neumann, Alex DeLeon, and William Beckett. (who has no relation to Lord Cutler Beckett. Unfortunately.) As I am, in fact, an Emo-music-tard, We'll just say that this song left me walking funny for a bit. I would go on, but it appears that the lower half of my body has melted from the sheer sexiness of this song.
Fuq.
Yes.
-27
Putting sex jokes aside again, (Patrick's body is apparantly an orphanage, and he takes everyone in. Sweet.) 27 does everything that Headfirst did wrong right.
And puts them in pretty dresses.
Rather than overbearing electronica, 27 uses a nice undertone of underdriven guitar, but lets the music and vocals really shine, and features a quite nice guitar solo.
-Tiffany Blews
Not even touchin' this one.
Seriously.
There's nothing here...
GO AWAY!
-W.A.M.S.
Another song that I find electronic, spoken-wordy, and blaaah. It does feature an invitation to...NO...BAD UNBI!
Ahem.
It's not a bad song, and it has some nice lyrics, but W.A.M.S. is nothing to write home about.
-20 Dollar Nose Bleed
Overall, this song sounds like something written in the seventies, which is a neat little retro trip. It sounds sort of like a Go-Gos song if they all had pen...Oh, wait...
Ahem.
Anyways, the retro illusion is broken for me by Pete's little spoken-word bit at the very end. Seriously, man. It was obnoxious in Get Busy Living, and it's annoying here.
-West Coast Smoker
The first time I listened to this song, I actually had to force myself through the first verse. It's bad. There's an obnoxious backbeat, spoken lyrics, and wierd-ass lyrics ("Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats")
Then it hit the chorus, and I saw that it was good.
Very good.
Like, I would walk over broken glass if that was the only way to listen to this song.
I found it incredibly difficult to avoid singing along (badly, since I can't sing) which isn't something I usually feel when listening to anything other than musica...I MEAN MANLY SONGS ABOUT MAN STUFF!
Folie a Deux is a good album, not as good as their earlier ones, but still entertaining and catchy. I'll give it a "great" overall.
-Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown...blah, blah, I don't care...
This is the other song on the album where the score unfortunately undermines the powerful lyrics. With a strange electronica/machine-synth sort of sound, and kind of annoying computerization of Patrick's voice, the song comes across as extremely weak, except for the chorus. During said chorus, (I will never end up like him/behind my back I already am/keep a calendar, this way you will always know) Tricky Stump shows that he doesn't need the over-computerization of the rest of the song. Fortunately, that section of the song is performed again during What a Catch, Donnie, which ISN'T twenty-five seconds of ball-ripping-off awesome in three minutes, thirty seconds of agonizing suckage.
-The (Shipped) Gold Standard
Unlike Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes, Shipped's disjointed lyrics make it confusing. It's not a bad song, not by any means. I enjoyed it. The music really comes together and the lyrics, while more random than Smashmouth on crack, are really poingent, especiallyfor the place where I am right now, and are sung with incredible emotion.
-Coffee's for Closers
Sex jokes aside, ("Oh, oh, oh!") I like this song a lot. The lyrics are sufficiently deep, and all of the parts come together into a coherant whole. Not much more to say...
Ummm....
LOOK! *points*
-What a Catch, Donnie
I'm sorry, I'm gonna end this review here and go listen to this song again. And again. Come find me in about twenty years.
What a Catch, Donnie, is the aural equivalent of an orgasm. Don't question it, it IS. It took me about four listenings just to get past Patrick Stump's vocals (Which may be more my thing than Tricky's), which sound like he's doing intensely private things with the microphone.
With his voice.
Then, of course, you get into the emo-music-tard boner inducing cameos by Elvis Costello, Gabe Saporta, Travis McCoy, Brendon Urie, Doug Neumann, Alex DeLeon, and William Beckett. (who has no relation to Lord Cutler Beckett. Unfortunately.) As I am, in fact, an Emo-music-tard, We'll just say that this song left me walking funny for a bit. I would go on, but it appears that the lower half of my body has melted from the sheer sexiness of this song.
Fuq.
Yes.
-27
Putting sex jokes aside again, (Patrick's body is apparantly an orphanage, and he takes everyone in. Sweet.) 27 does everything that Headfirst did wrong right.
And puts them in pretty dresses.
Rather than overbearing electronica, 27 uses a nice undertone of underdriven guitar, but lets the music and vocals really shine, and features a quite nice guitar solo.
-Tiffany Blews
Not even touchin' this one.
Seriously.
There's nothing here...
GO AWAY!
-W.A.M.S.
Another song that I find electronic, spoken-wordy, and blaaah. It does feature an invitation to...NO...BAD UNBI!
Ahem.
It's not a bad song, and it has some nice lyrics, but W.A.M.S. is nothing to write home about.
-20 Dollar Nose Bleed
Overall, this song sounds like something written in the seventies, which is a neat little retro trip. It sounds sort of like a Go-Gos song if they all had pen...Oh, wait...
Ahem.
Anyways, the retro illusion is broken for me by Pete's little spoken-word bit at the very end. Seriously, man. It was obnoxious in Get Busy Living, and it's annoying here.
-West Coast Smoker
The first time I listened to this song, I actually had to force myself through the first verse. It's bad. There's an obnoxious backbeat, spoken lyrics, and wierd-ass lyrics ("Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats")
Then it hit the chorus, and I saw that it was good.
Very good.
Like, I would walk over broken glass if that was the only way to listen to this song.
I found it incredibly difficult to avoid singing along (badly, since I can't sing) which isn't something I usually feel when listening to anything other than musica...I MEAN MANLY SONGS ABOUT MAN STUFF!
Folie a Deux is a good album, not as good as their earlier ones, but still entertaining and catchy. I'll give it a "great" overall.
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